I had huge resistance to do chemo initially.
My aunt responded adversely to it 15 years ago.
And the spiritual coaches, wellness gurus and general “woo woo” crew id been rubbing shoulders with – on and offline – for years told me to mistrust big pharma, and rather meditate and juice and unblock my chakras back to health. They also said that I may have caused the cancer in my body myself, via stress & low vibe emotional dysregulation, and that I could heal my mind & body myself, pointing me in the direction of “radical remission” stories.
And on top top of all that… Chemo is also just really, really, really scary and I didn’t want to take a sledgehammer to my body, pump it full of poison and lose all my hair in the process.
…Lose my sense of self too…
I seriously considered not listening to my oncologist and taking an alternative path…
However.
After:
A. witnessing the care, love, commitment & incredibly intelligent brains of the doctors and nurses wanting to help cure my cancer via conventional treatment
B. several trips to A&E thanks to the tumour pressing down on major arteries and making me pass out
C. sitting with myself & really tuning in to who was influencing me, who I trusted, what my instincts were etc etc
D. researching REAL-DEAL, NON SOCIAL MEDIA spiritual gurus and teachers who had cancer and underwent conventional cancer treatment
… I knew I couldn’t fuck about.
It was chemo time.
But it was ALSO holistic wellness time.
I realised I could do BOTH THINGS. It doesn’t have to be black & white / either or / good or bad / binary thinking. I could boost my treatment WITH complementary and alternative therapies.
Medicine & holistic stuff hand in hand.
For me, this was the sweet spot.
Figuring out how to marry my au natural, hippy, alternative, “wellness” sensibilities with the clinical world of oncology and hospitals felt both overwhelming and empowering. It involved wading through the mind-boggling swamp land of information and – crucially – misinformation out there about cancer & healing, and figuring out what made sense to me.
And along the way – whilst restoring my awe of science and “conventional” medicine (why do we call it that!? A stupid word to describe something modern, ever-evolving and cutting edge) – I also got to know myself and trust myself a thousand times over.
It’s a rare thing to be put in a position where your own values, needs and sense of self MUST be put first, as a matter of life and death. It took cancer for me to do what I’ve never done properly before: stop, take stock, devote myself to myself, and support myself in whatever way I needed.
And a year later, I do feel more MYSELF than I have in a long, long time (grief and trauma aside). I have grown through the experience of cancer. I am less easily swayed by others, my toleration for bullshit is LOW and I’m much more likely to listen to my gut and prioritise my needs. I’ve organised my life since cancer that looks a hell of a lot different to how it looked like before my diagnosis – and I’m happier for it.
So, this post is less of a ‘how to’ and more written as a permission slip.
Permission for you to navigate cancer and its treatment in whatever way feels best FOR YOU.
Permission to be in your sovereignty.
Because so much of this scary ride feels totally random, totally shit and too big of a beast to manage.
But you CAN employ things that give you agency. You CAN become crystal clear about what you can control during treatment, that can help keep you sane and less powerless in the face of something so frightening.
So this is your permission slip to support yourself. Intentionally. To pour love and kindness and energy into yourself. Based on both research as well as listening to your intuition and being on the side of your own needs. To being proactive, as well as getting used to asking for help AND accepting help (it can be harder than it sounds!)
Prioritise your self.
I have come to believe that a positive, inquisitive and proactive approach to cancer treatment does zero harm and in fact might make the world of difference