I created a cocoon of stillness, ritual & grief to prepare myself for losing all my hair to cancer, using some of the following tools:
📝 Writing
I got curious & philosophical about my emotional attachment to my hair. I looked at old photos. I journaled. I thought about femininity, identity, “pretty” privilege, belonging, self-esteem, confidence… so much of which we assign to our outward, external uniform that we present to the world. Writing is a big outlet for me, so I used it to help me process everything.
💧Grief
I allowed myself to cry. In fact, I welcomed it and didn’t judge myself in any way for the deep-seated attachment I felt for my elbow-length hair. I screamed into pillows when I felt angry and frustrated that this was happening to me. I invited all the emotions to wash over me and released them. Better out than in.
🕯Ceremony
I created a ritualistic ceremony at home to say goodbye. I set up space with candles, music, incense etc. A shower ritual – the last time in many, many years where I’d wash long hair. Careful brushing and drying and curling – all of which I’m usually pretty remiss with (yes even brushing 😉), but I wanted to properly tend to the long locks for the last time. I then wrote a goodbye letter to her and thanked her for being such a reliable wing-woman all these years.
👯♀️ Community
Surround yourself with an intimate, supportive & empathetic community.
One of my best friends is a photographer, she came over to take some snaps throughout, and we ended up doing a little creative project together over the course of my treatment to commemorate the journey.
I also recommend having the same hairdresser to hold your hand during this process. My hairdressers – Darren and Gary – were on my speed dial, came to my house for each cut & offered support every step of the way 🙏
Reaching out to friends who have – or have had – cancer, was also my natural instinct when my hair started falling out. They offered compassion & deep empathy, reminding me that I was not alone.
👁🗨 Perspective
Remembering that so many women before me had been through this process, and I drew a lot of strength in that. Remembering that hair grows back. Remembering that some people lose things that can never grow back, nor re-enter their lives. Losing hair to chemo is grim, but there are other things that would cut me a lot deeper, and I tried to be grateful that I wasn’t being dealt that hand in this moment.
I also channeled Samantha Jones in Sex & The City – “I decided to turn a little hair loss into a lot of hair gain” – consoling myself that this was an opportunity to experiment and channel different wigs & styles.
✂️ DID A MILEY
I decided to cut a much shorter style a few weeks before shaving off my hair. This wasn’t part of my original plan, this was a new stepping stone in my hair loss prep. But I suddenly realised that seeing myself with a drastically different “lewk” would better prepare me for not only Project Bald, but the many many months of Project “I Have A Shit Lid” that does unfortunately – and unavoidably – occur after treatment
